‘Fixing’ usually means that we want to change the external world in order to change the internal one. Many of us fall into the trap of trying to change our circumstances in order to change how we feel.
Don’t like my job – update the resume, start networking, …Feel worthless – find a therapist, sign up for training, update sociala media …SO tired – drink caffeinated beverage, power through to avoid reasons for fatigue. Ok, new approach.
DO NOT change anything. Rather than working hard to fix something, although it may on the surface seem productive – take a moment to consider if you are avoiding something with your busy-ness. In these cases acting out in the external is a cover to avoid the internal.
Very often we are not really after the ‘thing’ we want, or the ‘circumstance’ that we want – we are after a feeling and a sensation. The sensation of happiness, security, the sensation of loving and being loving, the feeling of purposefulness.
You may find that if you simply (simple but challenging, and grossly undervalued in western culture!) sit with yourself without ‘doing’ or ‘planning’ (believe me, you will be doing ALOT) for 20 minutes, you will see that you actually snap back into an internal space that feels better and as a result become more productive and focused. It’s not about changing your circumstances. Just let everything that comes up pass through. Don’t push back.
Stay still. It’s like emptying out a garbage can, or a dumpster, or like clearing away one of those oceanic garbage islands. Don’t hold that in.
Here is a thought inspired by the work of Viktor Frankl, whose very pragmatic body of work focused largely on making meaning out of our suffering. If you feel something, whether you like the feeling or not – it serves your healing. Care for this feeling in a way that expects no outcome. This kind of “expectationless” attention is incredibly healing and nurturing for your being, because it implicitly supports a belief that you are just fine the way you are.
If you don’t feel good, are working out some pain, or moving towards a goal – your value during this entire process does not increase or decrease, noone’s does, because 100% is 100%. So take a seat, and start letting go of holding back and give yourself some attention. You will start to feel honoured by your own presence.